Henny Penny Saves the Day

I was talking to a woman I know the other day, and she shared one of the more unusual animal stories I’ve heard in a while. I suppose we’ve all heard the stories about how the family dog saves the family from a burglar/fire/natural disaster, but this one was a bit different. This woman – I’ll call her Patty – told me how a chicken had saved the lives of all five members of her family.

Well, I’ve gotta be honest here. A chicken?  A CHICKEN?? What did it do, provide them all with a nice chicken dinner and keep them from starving to death? Okay, rude thought, but I’ve had chickens, and while I will admit to enjoying the critters, they don’t rank very high on the animal IQ scale. I couldn’t imagine how a chicken saved five people, and I was intrigued.

To learn about this chicken, we need to back up about a year. Apparently they found this scraggly little thing in the corner of a tub full of chicks in their local pet store shortly before Easter. She looked pretty sad and beat up, and the shop owner said he doubted that the chick would live long, so of course Patty instantly decided to rescue this bedraggled bit of fluff and take her home, to a house in the suburbs.

Needless to say, Henny Penny (yes, that’s what they named her) survived and thrived. She got to live in the house in a pen in the large kitchen area, running around on a thick layer of newspapers. Patty’s friends thought she was nuts, but the whole family loved little HP and made a real pet out of her.

On the fateful night of the chicken rescue, the family had gone to bed and HP was in her pen in the kitchen as she had been every night for most of her life. Patty awoke some time in the early morning hours with Henny Penny running across her bed, squawking her little feathered brains out. Patty was groggy and disoriented and didn’t know what to think, since Henny Penny had never been to any of the bedrooms before. As she grabbed the little hen and headed back toward the kitchen, Patty realized there was smoke in the house. She quickly shouted out for her family – most of whom had already been awakened by HP’s loud cries anyway – and they all got out of the house safely.

Henny Penny was hailed as a hero and had secured her place in the family for all time. I don’t suppose they’ll make a movie about her, but she has a spot right up there with Rin Tin Tin and Lassie as an animal hero. I, for one, was impressed, but not enough so to move a chicken into my kitchen, unless it’s dinner time.

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Today I saw some shocking, eye-opening graphs that really made me sit up and take notice. These charts clearly show a number of unexpected correlations and make it easy to draw a few conclusions linking some pretty unlikely trends together. For example, the chart below clearly shows a correlation between the divorce rate in Maine and the consumption of margarine in the United States. The graphs of the two are almost identical. There MUST be a problem there.

An amazing correlation

An amazing correlation

Other unlikely pairs of data include US spending on science, space, and technology and its correlation with suicides by hanging, strangulation and suffocation. Point by point, year by year, these trends are almost identical. The same for the data showing the number of people who drowned by falling into a swimming-pool and the number of films Nicholas Cage appeared in, and also for the correlation between the number of people who died by becoming tangled in their bed sheets and the total revenue generated by U.S. skiing facilities. What is the connection? How do these two things relate? It is obvious from the similarity of the data that something is going on, but is it skiing or bed sheets causing the problems here?

Bedsheets and skiing

It takes a great deal of research to find and correlate the data for such unlikely pairs of events. The website where I found these posted has many more sets of correlated data, and I think everybody should take a close look. If you don’t, you may never know that the number people who drowned while in a swimming-pool is similar to the power generated by U.S. nuclear power plants. It’s amazing.

What are we to learn from such disparate events that are obviously linked by the data? There must be some sort of cause and effect relationship here, something that requires further study, a study that no doubt needs a government grant behind it to provide the funding. Once the study is concluded we will be peppered with public service spots cautioning us to beware of consuming cheese lest we end up dead by becoming tangled in our bed sheets, or something equally disturbing. Or perhaps, if we are watching closely, we may learn that you can correlate almost anything, but that doesn’t prove the two are linked, though it can be great fun to try. Check out some of these correlations for yourself at http://tylervigen.com/.

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Can You Say “Delusional?”

I think this says it all.

I think this says it all.

Okay, I have just GOT to share with you the strangest, weirdest and most delusional site ever!!! Read on for the details. I can’t believe that this one is for real, but according to what I have learned through my investigations, this guy and his wife actually believe everything on their site. Sorry, but like spicy food with a sore throat, I am having a hard time swallowing that . . .

These folks live on a remote hillside in Southern Oregon, in Azalea, and they seem to have somehow gotten the idea that THEY have a valuable piece of property, (apparently the only one in Oregon, based on the number of people they claim are involved in trying to snatch this place out from under them). I’ve seen it, and it sure doesn’t look that way to me. In my opinion it’s a not much of a place, with no house (they live in a shipping container like you might find on the back of a truck, loaded with various nuts and perhaps some fruitcakes, headed down the road to a local asylum).  Their crate/house sits close to the road and they have a blue plastic outhouse in their front yard. It’s lovely . . . (not). According to posts on their own website, the property also has a defective septic system, done as part of the incomprehensible scheme to steal their land.

Anyway, I don’t care how these people live, but they appear to have really gone off the deep end and are accusing anybody and everybody of being in on some kind of a HUGE plot to steal their land!!! Not only a statewide conspiracy, but one that even has federal officials involved in the plot. To prove their point they cite “relevant” references going back over 100 years and having nothing to do with anything, as far as I can tell.

They think their place is perfect for a vineyard, but this is TOO funny for words! It is rough, steep, loaded with trees, and COLD in the winter. I guess they don’t understand about altitude and have never heard of winterkill, not to mention that the place is far from anything and has no flat spots to process any grapes you might be lucky enough to get.

Still, as far as I can tell they think EVERYBODY is out to get them. Their site lists not only the IRS, but also the power company, the phone company, the satellite TV company, their Internet service provider, neighbors that they don’t even know and have never met or even spoken to, the county sheriff’s office, no less, and countless others, all of whom are in on the plot to steal this one little bit of land. (LOL)

They also seem to think everybody knows about them and has heard all kinds of terrible things about them. Based on talking to some local folks, it seems to me that a lot of people have no idea what’s going on and don’t really care. Never heard of this big conspiracy and don’t want to. Truth be told, these people’s own website is responsible for a lot of the negative opinions folks have formed about them. From the safety of a website that allows for no commentary or even the possibility that there might be another side of things, they slam pretty much anybody and everybody, for no apparent reason, then complain that people and businesses won’t talk to them anymore. Gee, I wonder why not? DUH!

The entire world revolves around them, according to my understanding of their website. The attorney they hired is corrupt because she didn’t get them what they wanted. The satellite installers are sneaking people from the sheriff’s department onto their property for secret inspections. The power company is illegally monitoring their power usage. The UPS driver is stealing and opening packages because, umm, well actually I’m not sure why, but he is, according to them. (Interesting update — UPS will no longer deliver to these people!) Friends supposedly tried to entrap them for the benefit of the sheriff’s department – not sure what law enforcement is gaining from all this, so maybe I need to read the site again, but it is all part of a land grab directed at these people alone.  There’s plenty more.

Wow – talk about narcissistic with delusions of grandeur . . .

Now they are giving out people’s names, home addresses, and phone numbers, too. A whole page of them, and ALL of these people are plotting against them for one little bit of land!! How much would their land have to be worth to make it valuable enough for so many people to band together to steal it? After all, there are some really nice places available in the area for a reasonable price, much nicer than what they have. Pretty funny, when you think about it, in a sad sort of way.

Speaking of which, there’s one place where the man, who supposedly thinks he is some kind of a web genius, says one of his neighbors won’t say where she got his “private” email address. DUH!!! I got it — plus his street address and other info — in about 30 seconds by running a whois on his website. I’m thinking he has no clue about much of anything except how to turn the most innocent of events into collusion and conspiracy.

What I really DO think is that these folks either have serious delusions of grandeur OR they are hoping to sell their story to the Enquirer or maybe turn it into a Lifetime movie – IF they can convince anyone there’s any truth to it. But with all their wild claims, they may be too much even for The Onion, much less Hollywood. Perhaps they could give Jerry Springer a ring . . .

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